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mike323
Joined: 23 January 2005
Posts: 744
03 March 2006 03:49 (UK time)

If Microsoft Built Cars
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be supurb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

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me_mantis

Joined: 26 September 2003
Posts: 1147
03 March 2006 14:41 (UK time)

21. Everyone in the world would own one.

22. All nooby drivers' cars would be rusted by billboards.

23. I'd install free prefomance increasing stufffrom microsoft, letting my car act as a rocketship, a submarine, a helicopter, and a stealth tank.

=P



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Rondom

Joined: 03 December 2005
Posts: 65
03 March 2006 15:54 (UK time)

Woooo, mmmm .... hannnnnn

Whats abooooout ?
better, whats that ??

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mike323
Joined: 23 January 2005
Posts: 744
03 March 2006 15:57 (UK time)

My favorite is "The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off."

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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
03 March 2006 21:26 (UK time)

What is the point of this?

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mike323
Joined: 23 January 2005
Posts: 744
03 March 2006 23:38 (UK time)

Welcome to the JBGames.com forum service. Open to anyone, the purpose of a forum is to let others express their ideas, discuss issues with the purpose of the forum (in this case M2), and just to chat in a general/offtopic forum where people can post media, <b>entertainment, humor</b>, articles, or just dicuss their everyday lives.

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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
04 March 2006 00:16 (UK time)

sigh, If you put it that way...

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE


(This is hilarious, no wonder some people were offended!) This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) Staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.


This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students

and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were
absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2

"To complain about what we do - Press 3

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

"To request another teacher for the third time this year- Press 8

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"



If you can read this thank a teacher!

If you are reading it in English thank a veteran!

:D :D :D :D




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40oz
 Official Sponsor

Joined: 03 January 2004
Posts: 1799
04 March 2006 05:57 (UK time)

24. Every first time you want to try a new feature, such as steering, or hitting the brakes, youd have to go through a wizard in which you repeatedly click the "Next>>" button until it worked.

25. Evantually your car will explode if you drive it on "Internet Explorer Avenue" in dark alleys.

26. Every car will be vandalized by the criminals on Internet Explorer Avenue, unless you want to pay $20-$50 for someone to watch your car.

27. Thinkpad-mobiles drive extra slow, but theyre easier to pick up and put in your garage.

28. Bill Gates would have the fastest most reliable car on the planet.

29. Billboards, also known as pop-ups, drive into you, rather than you driving to them.

30. Every car has a paperclip in it that helps you write your essays.

By the way, that answering machine is pretty funny haha.

And I like this one the best:
"5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads."

So true.
*Papercut
Pro-Murder.
Legalize Crime.


Edited: 04 March 2006 07:15


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mike323
Joined: 23 January 2005
Posts: 744
04 March 2006 06:11 (UK time)

30. You need to eject the tires before you can remove them or else the engine will become unstable and stop running.

31. Before getting upgrades, you'll have to verify that your car is actually made by microsoft, and not copied from a friend. This is to make sure you paid full-price for the car so that they don't let the vast majority of microsoft cars to get better.

Edited: 04 March 2006 06:12


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arezey

Joined: 16 June 2005
Posts: 1599
04 March 2006 07:06 (UK time)

32. Every car would have Notepad and some other programs shipped with the car

33. Viruses could come and eat your cars to bits when you need to buy another one.

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masuda
 Official Sponsor

Joined: 06 February 2005
Posts: 824
04 March 2006 09:00 (UK time)

what would happen if microsoft read this? :D

34. if you buy a car from microsoft you will get it without number plates (i think this is the word) until you register it
kawaii-chan益田清次 / Masuda Seiji / PetiX

Meteor FE+ This version has 'Close FE after starting a mod' option.


Edited: 04 March 2006 09:07


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arezey

Joined: 16 June 2005
Posts: 1599
04 March 2006 10:44 (UK time)

I don't know, but hope they do not get angry!

35. Cars would have new versions every single year.



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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
04 March 2006 13:05 (UK time)

I dout that they'd come here unless they had a resaon to. Like if mike323 started working of his H2M2 mod again and posted it alot everywhere then it might attract microsoft. In the mean time we're safe to mock them with the truth.

I'd add another piece to the joke if I knew any.

Wha?!?! I just got promoted!

Edited: 04 March 2006 13:07


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masuda
 Official Sponsor

Joined: 06 February 2005
Posts: 824
04 March 2006 13:53 (UK time)

a reason? like really building cars? they will come here for advices. LOL

Yeah, i think the fastest mapper rank is uniqe beacuse only <b>1 FASTEST</b> mapper should be there..
kawaii-chan益田清次 / Masuda Seiji / PetiX

Meteor FE+ This version has 'Close FE after starting a mod' option.


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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
04 March 2006 13:59 (UK time)

I'm the only fastest mapper? I haven't checked out other every one's ranks so I don't know.

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Erik

Joined: 16 August 2006
Posts: 415
19 September 2006 15:48 (UK time)

When did you get that rank? i make a very easy non scripted at 5 minutes...

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arezey

Joined: 16 June 2005
Posts: 1599
19 September 2006 16:00 (UK time)

Well we had a M2 Multiplayer Map Compo, was it early 2006? VR_Rat won it with Port Mayhem which he made really fast and he got that rank. I placed second in that compo with my Sigma map.

Both of them are avaivable at MeteorMods.

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Erik

Joined: 16 August 2006
Posts: 415
19 September 2006 20:03 (UK time)

I know, they look good both i think :)

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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
19 September 2006 20:25 (UK time)

the down side to that comp was taht only aleksanteri and i submited maps =(

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VR_Rat

Joined: 20 January 2006
Posts: 396
07 December 2006 21:46 (UK time)

36. Every time they release a new model they release many variations later. None of which are much better.

To bad people ran out of ideas for this.

Edited: 07 December 2006 21:46


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arezey

Joined: 16 June 2005
Posts: 1599
08 December 2006 06:54 (UK time)

37. You could have two cars put together into one and drive with it with 2x speed and the features from both of them. Basically something i am doing soon... ;)

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